Step 3: Look For Trust
In Step 2 you acknowledged someone's point of view
- even if you disagreed with it, and
- you asked for clarification if your impression was "off."
You should have at least several consequences from Step 2:
- You understand the other person's current stance
- The other person knows you understand his/her stance
- The other person "should" feel heard
If the above is true, the other person should start showing signs of trust. It usually appears in body language. What you might observe:
- Person physically relaxes (shoulders drop, person sits down, etc.)
- Person starts breathing slower
- Person drops the volume of his/her voice
You might observe all of the above, just one of these, or perhaps something else. The key for you is to OBSERVE for some sign of increased trust.
NOTE: You should NOT proceed to Step 4 until:
- you are confident the person feels heard, and
- you sense some level of increased trust after you acknowledged the other person's thoughts and/or feelings.
CAUTION: If at any time during the conflict resolution process the other person returns to a high level of emotion and/or a loud voice tone, return to Step 1 and 2.
: As long as the person does not feel understood, you will not have much success in Steps 4 and 5. See next step
Step 1 | Step 2 | Step 4 | Step 5
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